Does Trusting Make me Naïve?

Last summer, I had an amazing experience performing in front of thousands of people at a festival. Never in my dreams had I ever thought I would have this opportunity. On that stage, I felt on top of the world, the happiest I had ever been. My heart was still tingling with the magical feeling one gets after an extraordinary day, when reality did that usual thing of getting in the way.

I was going home, but the train was delayed as a result of a fatality on the tracks. We were reassured that a train would be available soon, but 9pm became 10pm and I started to feel ill at ease. So I asked the station staff to help me call a cab.

I got in the cab, thanked the staff member and after the driver confirmed my identity, my journey commenced.

I had had a very long and exciting day and at this point, I was exhausted, so I was grateful to be in a clean and air-conditioned car.

I asked the driver if he could pass me a lead to charge my phone as I was now at one percent, and didn’t want to risk my phone dying before I reached my destination.

I then carried on using my phone. The driver asked me how I came to be blind. I am always irritated when people I hardly know ask me a personal question. I have written about this in a much earlier post, (it’s nice to see you), but he was the person at the wheel, and I was in the back of his car, so I felt it best to be polite.

I went on to complement his car and ask him about it, thanking him for having a clean air conditioned vehicle. I even told him about my fantasy of being able to drive a car that can go really fast. The journey went on smoothly, but when we reached my destination, he said he was trying to end the trip and the app was not letting him complete the task.  He asked me if I could give him my phone so he could end it on my app. I thought this was odd, but there was nothing in his behavior over the past 45 minutes that led me to suspect anything, so I handed it to him. I use my phone with the aid of a screen reader which tells me everything that is happening on the screen. In order for a sighted person to use my phone, I have to switch off the screen reader so it can function like any other. When I handed him the phone, it was silent. He could see, but I could not hear what was happening. He gave the phone to me after a few quiet moments and escorted me to my doorstep.

Having had a 14 hour day thanks to the delayed train, I was relieved to be home in one piece. Just before going to bed, I checked my email to see how much I had been charged. I discovered that not only had I been charged the sur-charge expected, but that there had been a £20 tip and a 5 star rating for the driver that I was not aware of. The tingly magical feelings completely disappeared, replaced with shock and then anger. Shock that a person who appeared so caring could do something so calculating and deceitful. Anger that I was so easily taken for a fool because I was blind. Hurt that I had made an effort to relate to this person as a fellow human in spite of how tired and unwilling I was to engage with him in conversation. Sad that no matter how invincible I felt on that stage, one single act from a sighted person could make me feel so vulnerable.

I immediately used the help menu on my app to report the incident. I started to think about this from the company’s point of view. What if they did not believe me? After all, it would have been my word against his, the crime was committed using my device. Who is to say I didn’t do it by accident? Or even realize much too late that I couldn’t afford such a large tip? Or just wanted to cause mischief? I knew I didn’t give him the tip, I knew I didn’t rate him 5 stars, but I also knew that if he had not done what he did, I would have rated him 5 stars before the next trip I would take using Uber. I also know that in the five years since I started Uber, I have never tipped a driver more than £1.

Being a free-lance opera singer, I travel to places that are unfamiliar to me; for ease of movement and peace of mind, I use cabs a lot. If I tipped every driver £20 I’d be completely out of pocket.

In a cab, I can relax, listen to music or learn my script without unwanted interruptions. Sometimes, I could even catch a power nap if I am flagging during a long day.

Fortunately, Uber was very good. I got a response in the next day, and after arranging a suitable time, a member of the customer care team called to have a chat with me. They expressed their regret that I experienced something this awful in their hands and they refunded me my fair. With regards to the tip, they reported this to the police and sent me the incident reference number.

The police called a week later and the investigation began. I told the police everything I knew. I had hoped that a caution/warning would have been enough if he had confessed, and showed remorse when questioned by the police.

A few months later, I was informed that the driver denied taking any tip from me, and as a result of this, they reported the case to the CPS.

At this point, I started to doubt myself. If I was in the driver’s shoes, and I did something this despicable, the time to confess would be now, when the police were asking. As an experiment, I went back to the app and attempted to tip a driver. I noticed that the app only gave you the options to tip £1, £2 or £5. Anything else would have required me to go to double tap on the edit box, type £20 in it and press submit. I could never have accidentally tipped the driver.

Two weeks ago, I appeared to testify as a witness before the magistrates. At the conclusion of the trial, the driver was found guilty.

 

Media Coverage

I was not aware that all criminal cases were open to media attendance until I got a call from a paper asking me for a comment.  When the story was released online, I received a lot of support from people, but there were some who were of the opinion that I was naïve to have handed the driver my phone in the first place. I was even more surprised that such comments were made by visually impaired people. I have been made very aware of my vulnerability and how susceptible I am to be a victim of crime. This aspect of life causes me anxiety. If I could describe the anxiety I would experience before leaving my house each day, it would look to you like a big growling monster. A monster which would grow bigger, with sharp claws, fangs, etc if I fed it by imagining all the awful things that could happen to me outside the comfort of my home.

However, to allow my mind to do this would be to deny myself the right to live a full and fulfilling life. I have very nice and trustworthy PAs who work with me to facilitate my independence, but I also spend time without PAs. Such as when I hang out with friends, go to work, and attend college. When I choose to go out alone, I refuse to give in to the monster’s growls. I choose to believe that I live in a society where people are kind and generally mean well, and that is usually the case. The worst that would ever happen is people trying too hard that I have to say, “it’s all right, I’m ok”. I am a living testimony to the fact that in a world that could sometimes be perceived as cruel, there is goodness and kindness. That is what I choose to bare in mind when I go out on my own.

 

Does Trusting Make me Naïve?

Having been blind for over 30 years, I have come to learn that one of the things sighted people fear the most is the thought of losing their sight. People with sight rely on it for information that keeps them feeling in control of most situations; therefore, they perceive themselves to be less vulnerable. I am aware of how vulnerable I am perceived to be because of my need to trust  people. If I am crossing an unfamiliar road, I would often ask a stranger to help me get to the other side. I am trusting at that point that the person will not leave me half way. I do this because I need to trust in order to get to the other side of the road.

When I go into Tescos to ask for a carton of milk, I need to trust that I am being given almond milk instead of  oat milk. Now there are some blind people who would rather order things online or go with an equipment which reads out what is being given to them, but that process does not cater for an unforeseen emergency, especially when the technology fails.

When I chose to give the driver my phone, I trusted that he was a licenced TFL driver working for Uber, whose details and whereabouts could be traced. I also know that he could not access my banking tools etc without my pin. I was also aware that if he did anything using the Uber app, Uber would inform me automatically. My only error was trusting that he was intelligent enough to understand the reasoning behind my choice to trust him. He saw an easy opportunity to exploit someone he perceived to be vulnerable and could not resist the temptation. From my point of view, that says a lot more about his moral fiber than about my common sense.

 

The Power of Vulnerability

I have also come to learn that there is strength in vulnerability. The more aware I am of my vulnerability, the more equipped I am to work with it. I have written about this in one of my previous posts (I trust because).

Some let other people’s perception of their disability define their relationship with it, I choose to have the relationship with my disability that leaves me feeling empowered. I ask for help because I need to do things differently. I also realise that trust has so far taken me places that most people could only imagine.

I trust because, choosing not to trust is synonymous with choosing not to live.

 

Court Ruling

• Committed to prison for 5 months suspended for 12 months.
• Unpaid Work Requirement: Carry out unpaid work for 240 hours within the next twelve months.
• To pay compensation of £220.00.
• To pay costs of £897.00 to the Crown Prosecution Service.
• Disqualified for holding or obtaining a driving licence for 6 months.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/uber-driver-conned-blind-singer-victoria-oruwari-a4352836.html

 

Rocking it blind – Fashion as I see it

When you are blind, putting an outfit together could be a minefield. Especially when so many people are telling you different things. My advice, keep it simple. The fact still remains that you cannot see what you are wearing and until you feel confident enough with your understanding of how colours work together, don’t go trying to match pinks with reds because some fashion expert says they’re in because you need to know that perfect shade of pink that goes with red, or that perfect shade of yellow that goes with orange. I haven’t found that perfect colour detector that tells you these things so I’m keeping this simple.
Here are some tips I would like to share.

1. Colour detector:
I could not live without this device. Get one from the RNIB. I think it costs about £84. This device will tell you the colours of your clothes simply by switching it on and placing it on the item you want described to you and ensuring that the lights in the room are on. Mind you, it does get confused with pale colours like, cream, pale pink, pale yellow, white, etc. It may just tell you that those things are “(light grey olive green” but it would recognize bold bright and dark colours and save you from going out in totally mismatched clothes.
Please note: it is not great with patterns hence the need to ask people to describe your clothes to you at the initial stage of purchase or receipt.

You can get it here:

http://www.shop.rnib.co.uk/cobolt-talking-colour-detector-1.html

For those in America:

http://www.braillebookstore.com/Cobolt-Talking-Colour-Identifier.1

2. If you are blind, it is always useful to own black or navy blue trousers or skirts. This is because they will go with just about anything. If you are the type to want to look striking, then team these with any bright coloured tops such as: Red, Orange, Pink, Purple, Yellow, Green, white, Gold or Silver and you will be sure to look great. For men, you can wear similar coloured shirts for leisure but for a corporate look, I think people prefer it when you are in white, pale blue, black, pink, or maroon shirts. You could also have shirts with pin stripes or checks in any of these colours. you can wear v neck jumpers over your shirts for work if you wish to keep warm in the winter. It helps if the jumper is the same colour of the trousers you’re wearing so that the light or bright colour of your shirt peaks out at the top. If you’re going casual, you can still team the dark coloured bottoms with nice jumpers in your preferred bright or dark colour.

Woman wearing red top and black trousers

Man wearing green jumper and navy blue jeans

 

3. Avoid wearing separate pieces of clothes with patterns: So If you want to wear a top that has any patterns, be it floral, stripes, aztec, swirls or checks etc., ensure that the bottoms you choose to wear are of one colour. The same applies if you choose to wear bottoms with patterns, then you should ensure that the top you are wearing is plain. It’s OK to where a whole outfit of patterns if the shop sold them together as a pair. This way the patterns would be the same or complement each other. If you can, try to ensure that the plain top or bottom you are wearing has one of the colours in the pattern of the other item.

Woman wearing white shirt with flared patterned trousers. Colours is pattern are: red, green, black, white.

Woman wearing white shirt white shirt with blue and green floral pattern and blue trousers

Daniel Radcliffe wearing a black suit with black and white checked shirt and black tie.

Navy blue and white striped T-shirt and blue trousers

 

4. If you are in a situation where you are unsure of two pale colours you have, always team the pale coloured outfit with a dark coloured clothing item. For example, if you have tops that are pale versions of pink, blue, green, grey, or just cream, you’re safest wearing it with dark coloured trousers. This is where dark grey, dark brown or maroon bottoms could also complement the pale top you are wearing.

Kate Moss wearing a black shirt with pale pink trousers

Man wearing a pale blue jacket, white shirt, navy tie and navy trousers

Man wearing a pale blue Denim shirt and navy blue trousers

 

5. You can also team pale coloured tops with white or cream trousers or skirts if you want a fresh spring or summery kind of look. Lilac, turquoise or aquamarine are colours I do not quite understand but they go with these as well as pale pinks and blues. (please note: sky blue is pale blue)

 

Woman wearing white top and pale pink shorts

Man wearing pale blue shirt and white trousers

 

6. Dresses
They are by far my favourite item of clothing as you do not have to worry about matching them. If you are the type who likes dresses, get a few of them as your staple clothing items as they rescue you on those mornings when you can’t seem to find those trousers or that top you really want to wear. In winter, I particularly love to wear jumper dresses either with V necks, cow necks, scoop necks etc. In summer, I go to town with dresses that have lots of lovely colourful patterns or just one bold bright colour.

 

White dress with blue and green flowers

Woman wearing cobalt blue wrap maxi dress

Orange midi dress

Hot pink cashmere jumper dress with turtleneck

 

7. If you are buying any items of clothing, or you are being given any, do not be afraid of asking the person to describe it to you. After all, they liked the look of it, that’s why they picked it for you so why shouldn’t you have the pleasure and delight of knowing what it looks like? I often find that having items of my clothing described to me in detail gives me confidence because I feel I have made an informed decision when choosing to wear it.

8. Texture:
It is often helpful to buy clothes with various textures you can feel so if you are in a hurry, you can tell which top you are pulling out of the wardrobe. For example: Zara and Gap do these ribbed thin jumpers in different colours. If you know the colours you bought, and you pull it out, simply find any trousers or skirts you have (because you know they are dark colours), and team them together and you’re ready to go. Winter clothing is great because of all the knit patterns you can feel. Cable knit, crochet knit, ribbed, etc.

Multi-coloured crochet jumper, colours are dark green, grey, yellow, maroon, white, salmon pink, light blue and dark blue. The colours are done in horizontal stripes up to the middle of the jumper, the colour patterns become random afterwards.

White turtleneck cable knit jumper

Mauve turtleneck ribbed jumper

 

9. Scarfs:
Keep it simple as you don’t want to have too many scarves to choose from each day. Think of the colours that dominate your wardrobe and pick the most common colours you have. For example, if most of the things in your wardrobe are dark, pick a bright scarf to give your outfit a lift. Especially if you are wearing a black or dark coat. If most of your outfits are bright, then it’s safer to pick a dark coloured scarf except on occasions where you are absolutely sure that the bright scarf you’re choosing goes with that particular outfit. If you have a patterned scarf, it’s safest to team it with outfits that are plain. It is helpful if the outfit has one of the colours in the patterned scarf.

Woman wearing blue jeans, black jacket, black and white stripy top and a yellow scarf

 

10. Shoes:
With regards to shoes, I am afraid to say I remain conservative and mostly wear dark coloured shoes. In the summer, I do experiment with colours like sparkly gold, or silver because again, they are neutral and can be easily matched with many things.

Silver sparkles on the straps with the inside being gold.

Plim soles with a white sole, gold mesh and silver threads all around the top and sides

 

I once recall buying a pair of sparkly pumps that reflected all the colours of the rainbow. I’m afraid to say that I can count the number of times I have warn these pumps as I was worried they wouldn’t go well with my often multi coloured summer outfits.

Pumps with sparkles of many colours

I thought to share these tips as they are guidelines I use for myself and they have worked wonders for me. It helps if like me, you have a good memory as I can describe to you, every single item of clothing I own. Having been sighted before, I can still see things in my mind. I do hope though that I have helped with this post.

Have you got any tips you would like to share? Comment below. I would like to hear your thoughts. Until the next post, have a colourific week! :)

How do I look?

This is a question very often asked by blind people when trying on an outfit. We often get given answers which inform our decision to proceed with what we’re doing, or change our approach, but the truth is that we will never really know what our answer to that question is. We are relying on a trusted source of information but if we could really see what we were trying on, would our choices be different?

I decided to write this post after reading this:

http://silkspun.net/2017/02/06/on-blindness-and-the-body/

I was deeply moved by her article and thought it would help to share my experiences and how I have gradually learnt to take control of my appearance in the hope that it will help others in a similar situation.

 

Victoria wearing a multi-coloured dress, standing in front of an artwork

 

Victoria in a long white dress, with black and brown braids, with a sunflower Alice-band around her head

 

Victoria in an orange cow-neck fitted jumper dress, standing in front of a Christmas tree

 

I lost my sight at the age of 7 as a result of some eye operations going wrong. Until then I was partially sighted enough to attend mainstream school, watch television, draw, paint, and do all the things a sighted child could do.

A partially sighted Victoria age 6, standing in a white dress with her birthday cake

 

After losing my sight, I remember my mum and sister teaching me how to recognise things with my hands. Such as knowing how to tell if my clothes are inside out, locating the right buttonhole for the buttons on clothes, learning to eat with a knife and fork without making a huge mess, etc.

I often hated mornings when it was time to get dressed as my mum and sister did not just lay out my clothes for me, they asked me which outfit I would like to wear. When I made my choices, they would then describe what I had chosen, and ask me why I chose them. A discussion would then occur after which I would realise why I could not wear that combination. After a while, I started to choose my own outfit combinations following the colour rules I was given. At that time, I was not aware that they were helping me take control of my image.

 

My Mum and I

My sister and I

 

My sister always told me about the importance of being presentable. It is more so if one has a disability because there is a tendency for society to expect less of you. You defy their expectations by appearing in a way that says “my disability does not impact on my ability to take pride in my appearance”, and you are taken more seriously. In saying this, she was not advocating that appearance is everything, but in a situation where a blind person doesn’t have the advantage of using eye contact to draw the attention of someone, it is far easier to be approached by other people who are often led by visual cues, if you are looking presentable.

My sister and my nieces

 

So how does one get to a point where they are happy with their appearance when one cannot see?

I must admit, seeing is important because it helps us confirm how great we look, or what needs adjusting. As a blind person, I learnt a lot from growing up in a family of people with good fashion sense. Conversations I have had with my sister, my Mum, my nieces etc have helped me build on ideas of how to dress myself in a way that makes me feel confident in my appearance. I can now go shopping independently and ask questions that ensure that I am choosing what is right for me.

 

Victoria in a multi-coloured, flowery top and black leggings touching shoes in a shop

 

I also think that one power we have as blind people is the ability to summon a feeling when we want to. I do have days when I feel really out of sorts and no matter what outfit I wear, I feel that I’m not looking great. Such days, I would “Look” at myself in the mirror, say to myself, “Victoria, you’re totally rocking this dress”, before I leave the house and I sincerely hope that I do.

I have made some errors in the past by wearing things that don’t quite go well together, or sometimes, I am in such a hurry that I have worn two different shoes. On such occasions, I “Own” my mismatched appearance and because it is a rare occurrence, people tend to think I was double dared to do so.

Negative comments about my appearance? Yes I have received quite a few of those from those close enough to give them, and yes, they do hurt at the time you are being told, but I would rather be aware of things I have to work on, because again, it is giving me control over my appearance. I must admit it does reach a point where I censor what I take in, especially if the person I am interacting with is in the habit of giving me negative feedback all the time. Some people have extremely high standards and they may want to foist those standards on to you. There is nothing wrong with having high standards of fashion, but for me, if it gets to the point where it causes me constant worry, I take what I can from what I am being told, and ignore the rest.

For example: I have been told that my eye lashes look better with mascara on, but whenever I try to apply it, I end up jabbing my eye or dropping blobs of it on my cheeks hence ruining my blusher. You know what? I have given up on them. I would only wear mascara if I have the help of a sighted person.

 

Victoria in a strapless gown with brown hair and blonde tips, full makeup with mascara

 

Victoria in a headshot, full professional makeup (didn’t do this myself :)) Photo by: Lilla Nyeki

 

I know I couldn’t get any blinder from a mascara injury, but I still would like to keep my eyes intact thank you very much. Another example is when I am persuaded to choose clothes that need constant adjusting during the day such as tops or dresses that hang off the shoulder. Yes, I know they are “In” but I have more important things to worry about when I am out or on stage than having to constantly hoist up a sleeve that keeps sliding off because it is hanging precariously around my arm.

So I do not think there is a clear answer to whether we as blind people will ever know how we look in any outfits, or how we look as people. We will get honest feedback from people we trust and we can work with that as guidelines. The important thing to remember though, is that to the people who really matter, what we look like will only matter to them a little bit as they will be more interested in what we carry in our hearts.

I will be posting something else about ways to bring outfits together if you are blind and have no concept of how colours work. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading this feel free to comment and share your thoughts.

My PA and Me

My PA Emily and me

I started employing the services of a personal assistant about three years ago when I finally admitted to myself that organizing my life to a point that would enable me to function to a high standard required some help from a sighted person. Having been in boarding school for most of my life, and living in a university setting for some of it, I have had the privilege of living in an environment that was organized and equipped in such a way that I could function independently.

However, starting life after school as a freelance opera singer and a teacher of singing gradually drew me out of my comfort zone, as I had to travel around London a lot and organize my lessons and my wardrobe to be suitable for different occasions. I also became a full time user of social media to expand my client base, keep people informed of my musical/ life journey and generally to stay in touch with all the people I have encountered so far.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t use social media independently as a blind person, but I am a firm believer in surviving in a world where visual content is vital in getting a message across or keeping people interested. This is where my PA comes in handy in helping me select the right images for any articles I write or for my posts on Facebook or Twitter.

My PA is also vital in helping me carry out tasks to a high standard. For example, if I need to prepare flyers advertising my concerts etc, we work together as a team, with me describing to her what I would like the flyer to look like, and she sourcing the materials to help me get my desired result. As I never fail to remind people: “I may be blind, but I do have a vision.”

I first of all heard about Independent Living Alternatives when I sang at the Liberty Festival and was assigned a PA to work with me for the day. We instantly clicked, not just as PA and PA user, but as friends, for the simple reason that she understood my situation when my curling tongs stopped working and I called her in panic mode, asking her to bring one along to help me get my hair looking nice for the event. She had already left home when I called to ask for her help with this, and she dashed back to bring me the tongs, and I got my desired hairdo for the event.

OK, this might sound completely trivial, but who doesn’t want to look their best when on stage? A sighted person has the ability to check their appearance in the mirror before they walk out of the house on a normal day, and on a special day, that check is even more thoroughly done.

In my case, on a daily basis, I could pull off a good enough look, but on a day that I’m to appear in front of a huge crowd because it’s a special occasion, I need my PA’s reassuring presence to see that everything goes just right. This frees my mind from worrying about my appearance, to focusing on the technical details of the performance I’m about to give.

OK… back to the point I was trying to make. I got on so well with the PA that was assigned to me that I instantly decided to employ her. She told me about Independent Living Alternatives and when I rang to thank them for recommending her, I asked the lady how she knew that I would get on very well with this particular PA.

She said: “I didn’t know you, but I had a look at your website and saw that you paid particular attention to detail with everything to do with your music and your appearance, so I thought she would be right for you”.

My first PA and I had a great working relationship that lasted a whole year, till I had to say goodbye to her because she got a full time job.

This was when I first experienced the Independent Living Alternatives matching process. I then approached them to find me another PA. I sent them a detailed job specification and answered their personality questionnaire. With this information, they sent me a few prospective PAs with personal attributes and educational qualifications which matched my requirements.

When I read through my current PA’s personal attributes, I knew we would work well together and I haven’t looked back since. In order for a PA to work well for you, the person needs to have a huge amount of empathy with your situation and a good understanding of what sort of help you need.

Emily helps me with tasks that require vision to complete: Reading my mail, filing print documents, sourcing sheet music, choosing images for articles, flyers and my social media, organizing my wardrobe for easy access, helping me with my food/grocery shopping and labelling of tinned food, accompanying me to events or to the theatre or cinema for shows that are not audio described, going to inaccessible shopping malls, helping me shop online by describing items on the display to me, and the list goes on, since each working day brings about new challenges.

She’s very intelligent but unassuming and I never know what she has up her sleeve until she reveals them. She is perfect in the sense that she keeps a professional distance but not so distant that I find her unapproachable. She is very intuitive and knows the difference between when I need encouraging to complete a very difficult task, and when I need her to intervene.

Being in control is vital to everyone, but it is more so to anyone who lives with a disability that makes them somewhat vulnerable. If you are visually impaired or blind, you are that little bit more vulnerable, as most people with other disabilities can still rely on their sight to fully assess any situation they’re in, whereas all you have to rely on is the tone of the voice speaking to you and what you’re being told. In order for a blind person to trust someone, the person has to give a bit more of themselves so the blind person is sure that they have their best interests at heart. My PA is highly aware of this so she is very good at expressing herself fully and in the most sincere form, that reassures me that I am being made fully aware of what is happening around me.

She only helps me with tasks that I ask her to… In time, she has come to know more about me, and my interests so much so that when we’re out and about, she instinctively draws my attention to things that I would have noticed had I been sighted. This I find invaluable as she practically acts as my eyes. We have a mutual amount of respect for each other and I have come to see her as a friend.

In order for a PA and a PA user to work effectively, there has to be a mutual sense of trust. I have to trust that my PA has my best interest at heart in order to trust her judgement. She has to trust that I am in control and capable of making the right decisions for me, and in cases where she is supplying me with information, that I am able to make decisions based on the information I am given.

I also believe that as a PA user, you are responsible for the wellbeing of your PA when she is with you so the caring element should be mutual.

The Threepenny Opera company’s campaign to save the Independent Living Fund. Members of the cast hold postcards saying “Save the ILF”

PAs are very useful in helping people living with a disability lead a life without limits. To some disabled people, having a PA makes a difference between their being able to eat, wash, use the bathroom  or carry out normal daily activities that many of us take for granted. The government cuts have resulted in the Independent Living Fund, which pays for such services, to be closed. This will result in many disabled people becoming prisoners in their own homes, or even worse, the death of many disabled people due to neglect, and depression.

I urge everyone to look up organizations like the Independent Living Alternatives (www.ila.org.uk) to have a full understanding of how vital their role is to humanity, and ask yourselves if the government have the right to deprive more than a fifth of the whole British population of their right to live a life without limits?

To find out more about the Independent Living Fund and to participate in the fight to save the ILF, please visit the following links:

http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2014/03/back-basics-independent-living-fund
https://www.facebook.com/ILFpostcard
http://www.disabilityartsonline.org.uk/threepenny-opera-ilf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMl1Vl4SBwI

The true meaning of vision

Inner Vision group photo

On the 19^th of November 2011, I attended a workshop led by the RNIB and happened to come across a nice lady called Linda, who was accompanying her husband Baluji to the same workshop. She told me about what would later become the Inner Vision Orchestra, and asked me if I would like to join in the pilot project. I am always up for new experiences so I said yes, and that was how our journey began.

We had our first rehearsal in March 2012 and all the musicians (fabulous people I hasten to add) were introduced, and we had a musical jam.

I fast came to realize that there were many things I needed to learn about world music. Having come from a classical background where everything is set in stone, working with Inner Vision requires you to have a well developed inner hearing as you need to react to what is happening around you and interact musically to make the piece work.

OK, before I start to bore the non musicians reading this, I must get to the heart of the matter. Every member of the Inner Vision Orchestra is a barrel of laughs! It’s a wonder we get any work done because of all the banter we enjoy together.

Another thing you have to know about blind people is the never ending soundscape we are capable of producing with our instruments and our voices.

Ziad (our Lebanese oud player and singer), for instance, is able to do a whistle so loud I swear it would give the ambulance a run for its money. He also has a way of recounting events that add a flavour unique to him.
 
 

Fereshteh, our singer from Iran, and mother to Bruce, her very boisterous and affectionate guide dog, adds a very feisty character to the mix.
 
 
 
If you’re lucky on a long bus or train journey to sit beside Ricky, you will end up in stitches from all the jokes and limericks he creates off the top of his head. I tell you, as well as being an amazing musician, he makes a pretty entertaining comedian.
 
 
Takashi (our Japanese viola player and singer), on the other hand, is whom I would call the group’s wise owl. This is because he isn’t often garrulous, but when he has something to say, it is very profound and unforgettable.
 
 
 
 
 
Abi, (our pianist, violinist, and clarinetist, from Somerset), is whom I would call the clever one. This is not to undermine anyone’s intelligence, but she came up with the phrase “optically challenged” as a substitute for visually impaired. Abi is very good with words so if you ever need to convey any message clearly, she’s the one for the job.
 
 
 
Peggy, our cymbalist who calls herself the simple cymbalist is one person who brings us all together and keeps us sane whenever we lose it. A good example is whenever the sound engineers at venues we go to do not get the balance right and we all get frustrated, and Peggy reminds us all of the fact that we all love music and we can still make music regardless of the sound balance being wrong.
 
 
Tristram, our enigmatic keyboard player is very instrumental in keeping us all together musically, as he often determines the speed of the music.
 
 
 
Baldev is a good example of how music can unite, because his main language is Punjabi. In spite of this, he is able to keep the orchestra together with his tabla, which is as reliable as a heartbeat.
 
 
 
Then I must talk about Baluji. He doesn’t like to be referred to as the leader of this group because he aims to empower everybody but one thing you must know, is that he is the brain behind the formation of this orchestra. He had a vision that was beyond what is physical. He often reminds me of water – the one thing apart from oxygen that we can not do with out. I say this because he has a gentle unassuming approach to everything, but he always delivers in the end.
 
 
I am Victoria, the classical singer of Nigerian origin in the orchestra. One thing you will come to notice is that I laugh a lot and love all the improvised sessions we have, but there are a few things I do not laugh about: being too far away from a warm drink of lemon and honey, and being forced to eat things that don’t agree with my voice 🙂
 
So here you have the Inner Vision Orchestra, the orchestra with a vision to change the world’s definition of disability. The blind can lead the blind and get them to their destination in one piece. Watch this space. 🙂

The hazards of the business indoors.

The hazards of the business indoors.

Most times people ask me how I manage my life at home. Actually what they say is “How do you cope?” They see it as coping, I see it as living my life just like anyone else, and just like any one else, I sometimes get my self in to a muddle.

The first hazard I’ll tell you about, is looking for things. Hang on… did I just say looking? No I meant searching for things.

You see, if you want to “cope” as a blind person, the first rule is to be organized. I can

Tidy work surfaces

not stress enough the importance of this rule as you not only have to organize your environment, but your thoughts have to be organized to anticipate difficult situations or disasters before they happen. So in my house, you will not find the following:

Drinking glasses, cutlery, or crockery randomly placed. They are either in the sink, on the drainer, or in the cupboard where they belong. All paths are cleared of obstacles: so chairs, settees, or movable things like shoes and bags etc, are always neatly stacked on shoe racks, cupboards, or by the wall respectively, leaving the middle and pathways free for ease of movement.

I am very particular about how my house is arranged. This way I know where to find almost every single thing I’m looking for. When people visit, I always remind them of the importance of returning things to their original place after they’ve finished with them because a simple thing, like not knowing where my table mats have gone, or where my remote control has been placed, could keep me searching for hours since I can’t imagine any other place it could be, other than where I have placed it.

Other times, I could be getting dressed to go somewhere and I’m in the middle of brushing my hair. I get distracted when the phone rings, I drop the brush, and by the time I’ve finished the call, I don’t remember where I dropped it! I was late for a very important appointment one day because of this, so I now have an emergency spare brush which I have kept somewhere remote in my bedroom, so whenever my current one goes missing, I could use it.

Do you know what’s so frustrating sometimes? When you’re searching for something, like a nail clipper, a hair clip etc and you’ve been searching for ages, and then a sighted person walks in, and says “Oh is that what you’re looking for? It’s right here!” and they stoop right in front of you, and pick it up! Argh! I almost feel like crushing the offending object!

When you’re blind, living in a clean and tidy environment is vital because you are made aware of dirt in the most unpleasant way: by touch! This is why I clean up after myself as soon as I finish cooking and washing up after any spillage occurs. I also tell anyone who comes to stay to respect my need for tidiness. There is nothing I find more disgusting than finding old washing up waiting in the sink!! Or dirty work surfaces! I start to imagine the worst case scenario, that the objects have been there for such a long time and they’ve started growing stuff!

I think the whole thing stems from the awful shock of living in student halls at university. After years of being at home where it is very clean, or in the heavily sanitized environment at boarding school, I was traumatized by the amount of dirt which existed in the communal areas in halls! Oh my goodness! I can’t find the words to describe how filthy those kitchens used to be!! Week old plates, month old saucepans etc were piled high in the sink, and the bins were full of stale food. Some of which had started growing cultures. So much that the cleaners just worked around the dirt. Our microwave would have made a good display of bio-cultures for a laboratory experiment. The insides were at least an inch thick with congealed food! I resorted to buying food from M&S, or eating out in restaurants for the rest of my stay in college.

So here are the house rules I give my friends and family who come to stay:

1. Feel free to switch on the lights when you come in, but do switch them off when you leave because I won’t remember.

2. Please return anything you use whilst you’re here, exactly where you found it, or I shall spend hours looking for it.

3. Unless I offer to do so, please wash up after yourself, and if for any reason you can’t, put everything in the sink, and inform me that you’re doing so.

4. Do not under any circumstance move the furniture.

5. Please don’t try to help me re-arrange my wardrobe, my room, or my kitchen and medicine cabinet. You’ll only make things worse because I won’t be able to find anything.

6. If you respect all these rules, I’ll be more inclined to ask you backJ but if you don’t, you won’t be hearing from meL

PS. The first half of Number 3 doesn’t apply when I have parties or to guests who visit for the day.

The Hazards Of The Business

The Hazards Of The Business by Victoria Oruwari

Most people would think this an odd title for a post but believe it or not, I’ve decided to write about the hazards of the business of being blind

Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be putting smiley faces after sentences that could cause most readers to weep, but seriously, if I wept about it, I’d earn so much because I’d have enough tears to make a bigger river than the Thames and the government would have to pay me royalties for using my river of tears. Ok not so funny right?

I’m sorry I’ll be really really serious now and start by talking about the business of putting a voice to a name.

Being a singing teacher I come across many children and it is my duty to get to know them and understand how they work. The first few weeks can be rather tricky as I not only have to remember their names, but I have to learn to associate their voices with their names. In my experience, children seem to be more understanding about this than adults. They would come up to me and say “Hi Victoria, I’m (and they’d say their name)”

I often find when socializing with adults, they tend to take offence when I don’t remember them. Largely because on meeting me, they helped me across the road, or helped me in to a building I’d never visited before. So in order not to hurt their feelings, I strike a conversation with them in the hope that they say something to trigger my memory. The conversation would sometimes go like this:

Person: “Hi Victoria, How are you?

Me: “Fine thank you and you?”

At this stage, I’m hoping they’ll say something about a previous conversation we’ve had which would trigger my memory. Sometimes, people come up to me and say: “Hi Victoria do you remember me?” I find that really random as the person might have met me some where different, and sometimes blind people associate voices with a place. Say for instance, we used to go to college together, and I happen to be somewhere outside London, you walk up to me and say hello, expecting that I would recognise you immediately.

Well I would recognise you if you were a very close friend, as your voice would be deeply embedded in my long term memory but If you’re someone I hung out with now and then, I’d have to go through my memory bank of all the people I know in the world who I’m likely to bump in to at that particular place. You’d be the last on the list as I don’t associate your voice with that area.

Have you ever heard about voice doppelgängers? Well just like people have their total look-alike, they also have sound-alikes. When this happens, it can be a bit tricky for a blind person to tell people apart.

Another awkward moment for a blind person, is when you meet and greet a social gatherings. I often put out my right hand for a handshake, but I make sure I don’t put it out too far in case I happen to grab undesirable body parts

What I find difficult to deal with is the kissing, or air kissing we engage in when we meet and greet. I kind of figured that I’d turn my cheek and I expect the other person to do the honours, but some people say: “Give us a kiss”, and I find that really difficult because how on earth am I supposed to gauge where their cheeks are?

A daily encounter I have is with obstacles placed in my path when I’m trying to get from one place to another. Most times, I have a map of where I aim to get to in my mind, and what obstacles tend to do, is distort that map, because in the process of finding my way round the obstacle, I could go off tangent and find my self ending up where I shouldn’t be.

Another major issue I have, is when people choose to address the person I’m with, when they mean to address me. I wonder if they think that deafness is a symptom of visual impairment. I remember one day, I went to the chemist with my niece and the cashier was addressing her when giving instructions on how my drugs should be taken. My niece just acted as though she was deaf, so the cashier had no choice but to speak to me. I understand that people get freaked out if you don’t give them eye contact, but you don’t really need your eyes to make conversation, do you? You use your lips, your voice, and your ears. I often worry because these are fundamental things you learn in nursery school.

Sometimes when I’m walking down the street, people think it’s helpful to yell instructions at me. For example: ”Mind the pole! No,not that way! Now turn left!” I know they think they’re trying to help but it is more distracting because I initially freak out because of how loud they’re yelling, Then I’d be trying to locate where the voice is coming from, then process why they’re having to yell. Can you imagine what that is like, when you’re already concentrating on getting to a particular junction where you need to turn left or you’ll end up in the middle of a road? If you ever think a blind person is in danger of hitting something, if you’re too far away to help, yelling isn’t as helpful as you think. The person has a white stick or a guide dog who is perfectly capable of getting the person past the obstacle you’re worried about. I agree that there can be some moments where the blind person might walk in to the obstacle, but they are more likely to do so, or even worse, fall down if they get startled by your voice. If you’re close enough to help, approach the person and speak in a moderate tone and ask if they would like you to help them around the obstacle.

If you see a blind person trying to navigate a particularly complicated route, it is not helpful to shout instructions from a distance so it’s best to help when you’re close enough to make your presence known before asking if you can guide them.

In this article, I have focused on the outdoor hazards. I will write about the hazards of the business at home in my next article.

Please note the following:

1. The correct way to guide a blind person is to show them your arm or your elbow. The person would then slip their hand on the crook of your arm. This way, they can feel your movements and detect when you’re going down or up a step in case you get distracted and forget to tell them.

2. It is never advisable to raise your voice in an alarming manner when informing a blind person about an obstacle. You can never gauge how scared you make a blind person feel when you do so.

3. Most times, a blind person knows where they’re going and they don’t always need your help. Giving help when it is not necessary can distract the person from their planned route. If a blind person needs your help, you would know about it because they’d ask you.

4. Always introduce yourself even if the blind person you’re meeting is someone who knows you. It does make life that little bit easier.

I decided to write this article because I encounter all these scenarios I have mentioned each time I venture out of my house.

I hope that after reading this people will be better informed on how to behave when they come across visually impaired or blind people.

Please feel free to ask any questions if anything is unclear, or comment about your experiences.

Wait because you don’t count!

Wait because you don’t count!

I’m afraid this article is going to be a huge rant but please bear with me, because by the time I’m done, you will have the true picture of what disabled people have to face day in day out.

One thing I gradually came to discover since I started living with a disability is that I had to be patient. Patient because waiting is what the rest of the world expects you to do.

So it starts like this: You’re waiting for someone to help you with a task you can’t complete independently such as, addressing a letter, reading mail in print, waiting to be helped across the road, waiting for books to be put into Braille, waiting for a shop assistant to help you with your shopping, waiting for the IT specialist to make your day by fixing your laptop or waiting at the train station for the staff to escort you to the platform to join your train (or to meet you when you get to your destination). This list may vary as every disabled individual’s needs are unique to them.

I’m lucky that as I grew older, and gained more independence (thanks to my very supportive family, friends, assistant and technology), the list of things I have to wait for have reduced to let’s say….ONE! And can you guess what that one is?

Well, I’ll help you. It’s the last one on my list. Waiting for the staff at the Underground or National Rail to assist me during my travels.

As a freelance singer and teacher of singing, I am often required to travel to various places to do my job or to see my tutors for singing lessons. Sometimes, I have up to four appointments in one day. All of them in different parts of London.

We live in a society that advocates equal opportunities which means I am expected to deliver my duties as efficiently as a sighted person because the system has been put in place to enable me to do so. This so called system seems to grind to a halt when it comes to the London Underground. I have observed this change steadily for the past four years. The staff are often so rushed off their feet that they leave me waiting at the barriers for up to 15 minutes because they can’t get someone to escort me to the platform. I’m sure everyone would agree with me when I say that platforms are not the safest places for blind people to go wandering on their own. I know because being the feisty person that I am, I tried getting on and off trains by myself and succeeded until one day, when there was so much noise that I got distracted, I mistook the gap between two carriages for a door, and fell right underneath a train. Luckily that was the final stop so there was enough time for someone to notice what was wrong and get me some help or I wouldn’t be here writing this post.

Anyway, enough of that… I have learnt my lesson and I won’t be doing it again in a hurry.

Back to my point of when I ask the staff why I can’t be helped on to my train immediately, they say they’re short staffed and this is so because of the government cuts. In some other cases, they would say: “Oh wait, so we can radio through to your transit destination to ensure that there is someone in that station to meet you.” After that, I get asked for my final destination and they radio through to them as well. By the time they’re done, I have lost 10 minutes out of my journey time. Whilst I fully understand the need for someone to meet me, I don’t understand why they cannot radio through after I have been put on the train. Especially, if my journey would take a good 20 minutes.

Other times, when I am being helped onto the train, the staff member gets approached by non-disabled members of the public asking for help and what do they do? They stop and deal with their queries hence delaying the progress of my journey even more. It’s as if I don’t exist!

A few times, I have asked the member of staff if he or she could ask the other passenger needing their help to read a map. Because they’re quite legible, or go to someone else. They would say “It will only take a few minutes” A few minutes that I do not have to spare. In the process, I miss my train, and they say to me quite cheerfully that the next train is in 4 minutes.

Another thing that always happens is when the assistants don’t think you have a right to choose between getting on an escalator, or going in the lift, they just take you to the lift anyway!

I feel really strongly about this because sometimes I don’t feel comfortable getting in a lift alone with a man I don’t know. Sometimes, I insist on walking back to the escalator.

People need to realize that the fact that we depend on them doesn’t make us as powerless as children. We’re adults and should be consulted about our preferred means of getting up or down the building. Some assistants get a little forward by trying to chat me up! That is the height of unprofessionalism because they are taking advantage of their position. I take your arm because I need your help. Don’t mistake it for anything else! You are a stranger and you should not ask me intimate questions like wanting to know where I live, how I lost my sight, etc. It’s forward, and very rude!

I have done my best to get them to understand my position. That I am trying to carry out my duties efficiently and that I rely on the system to function so that I can get to where I need to be in good time. They always say that I need to write a letter to complain about the state of affairs because they are mostly under staffed and they can’t be any more efficient for this reason.

So I decided to write this post. To let the government into a few facts they may not have considered:

1. Equal opportunities means that everyone is given the support they need to carry out their duties effectively. I cannot say to my employers that I am late because I am blind.

2. It is not kind or caring to leave blind people alone in stations or on platforms that we are told are always in danger of terrorist attack.

3. We live in a world where everybody’s human rights are being considered when decisions are made. Please consider our right to be ambitious, spontaneous, and organized when planning our day. In this competitive climate, the worker who is flexible and reliable is most likely to keep their job.

4. The system put in place to assist disabled people should be specifically set aside for disabled people.

5. The system should enable us, not hold us back.

6. The people employed to assist us should be familiar with the acceptable code of conduct when dealing with vulnerable citizens. I take your arm because I need your help. It does not give you the right to pry into my life, or give me any reason to worry or feel intimidated when I am in your company.

To Boris Johnson, if you get to read this: SORT IT OUT!!!!!!!

I know some people would ask me why I don’t take a cab to avoid all these problems. If I did take cabs for all my travel, I’ll probably fund some cab companies existence and that wouldn’t do. If I’m off to a concert or parties or a tricky destination I would take a cab but I have this little problem where I get car sick if I sit in a cab for more than half an hour. I get carsick as a result of the jerky movements. I also find that cabs with the wrong sort of air freshener, or a cab which hasn’t been cleaned to within an inch of it’s life, make me car sick. I often think that cab drivers don’t think of the comfort of their passengers when they choose to take sharp turns or break suddenly.

Do feel free to add comments. I would like to read about your experiences.

By Victoria Oruwari

My Chaperone was Male!

My Pink bag!!!

Me and “Dexter” beside my beloved ferrari 🙂

Doing my favourite thang!

Me rehearsing with Maestro Paulo Andreoli

My Chaperone was Male!

How do you cope as a blind person when you go on a trip with a male companion with whom you have a platonic relationship?

I was in this situation on my last trip to Italy to sing for the Festival of Different Abilities. I usually travel with a female assistant but my friend kindly offered to step into that role. I have known him a while so I knew I could trust him not to jump me all of a sudden and to always act in my best interest, so I agreed. Little did I know that our trip would be rather eventful.

The first tricky bit was public toilets. The layout of public toilets can vary depending on where you are, and it was tricky for him to explain to people why he needed to come in and show me where everything was, before leaving me to do my business in private. I must admit I was a little shy at first, but after the first two visits I kind of got used to him walking in with me to show me where things were.

I am usually very self sufficient when I am away from home. I often only need to be shown around my new room once and I’m fine. But as (bad) luck would have it, our flight to Italy left me with some complications with my ears! Something which could be easily described as a blind person’s worst nightmare! This made me much more dependent on my friend. A responsibility he rose to with good grace.

So my orientation went thus:
(for the purpose of this article, I’ll call him Dexter).
Dexter: “So Victoria, here is your wardrobe. I’m putting your suitcase on the wide ledge next to your wardrobe. Your bathroom is on the left side of your bed, and your desk is right opposite your wardrobe.”
Me: “Oh, OK I get it”
“Dexter: “Where are you going?”
Me: “To the toilet of course! I’m desperate!”
Dexter: “But the toilet isn’t there! You’re about to walk into the coat stand!”
Me: “Oh Sugar! Where the hell’s the toilet?!”
Dexter: (taking me by the hand) “It’s here Victoria. Are you sure you’re OK?”
Me: “Of course I am! Or maybe not. I can’t hear the walls so I can’t seem to judge where things are. I feel so blind at the moment”
Dexter: “Never mind. You’ll be OK, and you can call me if you need anything. No matter what time. You’ve got my room number and the phone is right by your bed”
Me: “Thanks Dexter, I hate being like this, I’m not usually like this!”
Dexter: “I’ve known you for more than six years Victoria, I know you’re very independent, but you need my help at the moment and I’m happy to give it.”
Me: “Thank you ”

This scene repeated itself so often that I thought I would go mad, but Dexter was true to his word and remained vigilant, looking out for me and making sure I was comfortable.

The next challenge we overcame was when we started to discuss what clothes I would wear for different occasions. I had to attend a press conference, lots of dinners, and other fun places. I usually know what to wear but I always like to discuss my dress the night before so I’m not flustered in the morning. Dexter (bless him) is a shorts, jeans and t-shirt kind of guy and if you let him have his way he’d go anywhere in that.

Not withstanding, he understood the need for me to appear in appropriate and matching colours so we would have this conversation the night before. I’d slip into the bathroom, try on an outfit and come out for him to put his stamp of approval. During this process, I came to realize that Dexter actually did have a good sense of what looked good and what didn’t. He just never gave himself the chance to try it out. I don’t mean in any way that he doesn’t dress well. He does, but he never talks about fashion or anything as frivolous as make up.

Then on the days I have to be interviewed by the press, I would have him check over my face after I have applied my make up. At first, he said to me “I’d be useless at all that stuff. It’s not my thing” and I would say, “Dexter, you agreed to come out with me so that you could look out for me. I already know how to apply my own make-up, I just need you to check that it’s all even. I may get it right on an every day basis, but what if for any reason I got it wrong? Would you be happy for the whole world to witness my mistake?”

That got him and together we worked as a team to ensure that the colours I was blending for my eyes and my cheeks turned out the way I wanted them to.
He got so involved at some point, that he actually did have a go at blending in my blusher. I thought that was rather sweet! That he had turned from someone who didn’t want anything to do with fashion, to someone who cared enough to ensure that my blusher was the right shade.

Another very amazing quality of my friend and chaperone was his ability to take charge when I was flaking. I was really destabilized by the issues with my ears, but Dexter saw that I took all my medication regardless of how unpleasant they were, and believe me, one of them was some fowl smelling stuff that he had to mix and put in a sort of nebuliser for me to inhale. It was meant to relax my Eustachian tubes so that the air bubbles blocking my ears would come out. I also had to take some menthol in the form of nasal drops! Yuk! It tasted vile!

Dexter also took the task of making my lemon/ginger/honey drink very seriously. He would meticulously make the mixture each time my flask got empty and was always on hand during rehearsals to pass me my drink in a cup as soon as I needed a sip. The hayfever I had always made my throat dry up rather quickly and I needed to be hydrated in order to sing properly.

Dexter was also responsible for making sure that I wasn’t served any meals I was allergic to. He would ensure that my meals were free of tomatoes and cheese and my desserts did not have any cream or citrus fruits in them.

Another thing Dexter had to endure (poor guy) was accompanying me on my shopping trips. There is nothing he hates as much as standing in a shop full of people and describing clothes and shoes to me. Dexter seemed to have problems with distinguishing between various shades of pinks and purples. I think I tested his patience at this point. He kept his cool for two trips and put his foot down for the third. I was OK though. I had my beautiful pink bag (which he spotted for me) and my beautiful scarf so nothing could really go wrong.

Dexter was always there cheering me on and making sure I was feeling upbeat despite my ear troubles during rehearsals. He always knew when the noise of the orchestra was getting to me just by the look on my face and he would quietly come to me and ask if I wanted to go outside for a breather. These little trips outside made the world of a difference. He would also make sure I got introduced to all the useful contacts that were present at the concerts I performed in, and at social gatherings. I must not forget how he paid great attention to detail in ensuring that I got my orange flavoured lolly-pops. I needed to suck on sweets to keep the balance in my inner ear and that was my preferred flavour. Failure to find them could often result in an almighty tantrum

If you are blind, being in control is very important to you but if you are in a situation where you are not, a friend who really understands you and your needs is like a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. They take the edge off your anxiety because you can trust that they will always make decisions with your best interest in mind. You will find that such friends are not easy to find, but when you find them you will know and you should cherish them.

What I found most touching was after we got back to England, a journey which due to the problems with my ears we had to make by train, Dexter said to me: “Thank you Victoria for such a lovely holiday! I enjoyed every minute of it!” I thought he had gone mad! Because if I had a friend that caused me so much agro on one trip, I would run 20 miles to get away from them.

If anything, this trip has taught me to believe in humanity, and I am even more aware of how lucky I am to have a friend like Dexter.

Dexter, you are one in a million, and this is a big thank you from me.

Dexter’s newly acquired skills:
-Competent stylist,
-Competent cocktail mixer:-p,
-Beginner/intermediate makeup artist,
-Excellent photography/filming skills,
-Competent at administering medicine.
-An advanced level of patience

By Victoria Oruwari

Accessible Dining

Accessible Dining
By Victoria Oruwari

Eating out is a good way of socializing. You’re in a place that neither you nor your friends can feel territorial about so every one’s free to be themselves. It’s also nice to eat something you didn’t have to make yourself I often like to try new restaurants cafes and bars, provided the noise level is tolerable. I find that the more up market the place; the more awkward it is for a blind person to navigate. I mention the more up market restaurants because they’re more likely to attract blind customers since they offer a quiet and serene ambiance.

First of all, it’s important to book a table. That way, you avoid being kept waiting in the middle of nowhere, whilst the waiter tries to get you a table. Then you have the task of asking the waiter to read you the menu. A few chain restaurants like Pizza Express and Café Rouge have Braille menus but if you go to other restaurants, you may not find one. In my experience, I have found waiters very willing to help when they are asked and they are good at recommending meals that fall within my dietary requirements.

The tricky bit, is actually when the food and drinks arrive. In some restaurants, you get given a vivid description of what is on your plate, and where to find it. (Pizza Express and Tas, are very good at that). So for example, if you ordered lamb cutlets with roast vegetables and sauce on the side, the waiter would say “Here’s your food. The lamb is at 3 o’clock on your plate, vegetables are at 9. o’clock, and the sauce is at 12 o’clock. I have placed your drink on the right hand side of your plate, just at about 2. o’clock. Some blind people find this really helpful whilst others may only need to be told where their drinks have been placed in order to avoid accidents.

The real issue is in fine dining where you have the joys of the side plates, the numerous side dishes that accompany your meal, the sauces, glasses, different bits of cutlery that makes the table become an obstacle course for a blind person. What also makes it worse is that in places like this, waiters are trained to be discrete whilst carrying out their duties. In keeping with the etiquette, they approach your table as quietly as possible, serve you unobtrusively and leave.

You are then left with the task of identifying what’s there and dealing with it. The hardest thing is actually getting the waiter’s attention because in such restaurants, they appear, and disappear like ghosts. Having been eating out with my family since I was little, I have been made to believe that I was just like any one else and should deal independently with my food.

This came in handy when I went to have lunch with a friend of mine who is also blind. We chose to have lunch at the Fountain restaurant in Fortnum and Masons. Getting in to the building was a little daunting as there was no door man to escort me to the restaurant. A shopper at the store eventually found me, moments before I might have slipped down the flight of stairs leading to the restaurant, and helped me in. It took him ages to get a waiter’s attention and when he did, the waiter pointed out my table to him, in spite of my attempts to explain that he was just a customer, helping me out. Since My friend and I were both blind, we couldn’t summon the waiter so we were sat on the table for up to 10 minutes before a waiter came to ask us if we needed drinks, and after they had gone through the menu with us, they came silently with the food, arranged every thing and left before we knew it. Luckily, my friend had only ordered a risotto so I was the one who had to deal with the obstacle course of locating my bowl of roasted vegetables with out knocking down my cup of tea, glass of elda flower juice, and the dainty tea pot. Being familiar with coping in such situations, I was able to locate my bowl of vegetables which was a little way from 10 o’clock in relation to my main dish (a delicious roasted Guinea fowl,) and get on with the task of pouring the roasted vegetables onto my meal. I did succeed in finishing my meal with no accidents, but the whole process took away the joy and relaxation I wanted to have whilst eating and catching up with my friend.

Whilst I understand why members of my family wanted me to be as independent as possible, as an adult, I realize that it puts me under unnecessary pressure to have to figure out any arrangement that is unique to each restaurant. I now make a point of asking the waiters back to describe their artful presentation, and help me find my way around it so I can enjoy my meal in safety and comfort.

Helpful solutions:
All restaurants should train their staff on how to attend to visually impaired people. If in doubt, please ask the person if you could help them in any way. It would be very helpful if restaurants did have Braille menus.

Blind people have to concentrate twice as much when carrying out tasks that people with sight find easy. If you don’t believe me, try eating Sunday lunch at home with a blind fold on. Make sure it’s the full Monty, and get no help with dishing it up etc. I would appreciate your feedback. Also, if you’re blind and would like to share your experiences when eating out, please leave a comment.

By Victoria Oruwari